navk:
Sometimes you think you won’t be able bear it, until you do. And you realize that for better or for worse, life goes on, things get better, with or without. And that you can do more than just bear it, you can live past it. Learn and grow from it. Some plans may have changed along the way, some of the faces may be different, some promises may have been broken -shattered even, but the dream remains even if it is slightly altered. Sure, perhaps some things will never be the same. But perhaps they aren’t supposed to be.
(Source: navk)
An open letter to 27
Someone told me recently that the older you get the more time appears to move faster because you’ve lived more and experienced more of the world. I’m not sure about how true this explanation really is, but experiences now certainly tend to carry more weight compared to when I was younger.
Every year that passes carries with it events and experiences that, I hope, contribute to who I am and my sense of where I am in my life and the world. However, it becomes increasingly difficult (at least to me) in a time where everything seems to be moving at such a rapid pace. It’s hard to pinpoint any one position when the world around me shifts so quickly.
Personally, 2018 has been a mad blur of experiences that have left me any series of words, including but not limited to: overwhelmed, winded, exhausted. Somewhere in between, I’ve also been inspired and captivated by the natural beauty that exists around all of us.
I took some time this year to travel and do things I normally wouldn’t do. I’ve visited about ten different cities across four American states and two Canadian provinces. All for pleasure. I’ve camped out in my car, stayed in expensive tourist hotels, shady Airbnbs, and ate in questionable establishments with the hopes that my overly sensitive stomach would make it to the next service stop.
I’ve seen (and scales) the glory of the Rocky Mountains, their obscenely clear springs and rivers, and almost got carried by the rapids and down a waterfall.
2018 has been, by all accounts, a year of growth and growing pains. But isn’t every year like this? Perhaps, but perhaps more so for me because I’ve carried one question with me throughout these last twelve months: how do I strike a balance in my life? Financial balance, emotional balance, work-life balance. Balance between family and friends and passions and obligations. At first, it seemed simple enough to approach the matter by compartmentalizing different aspects of my life, dividing everything by time. Soon as the months progressed, all of this proved to be much more difficult.
Perhaps, I thought to myself, it boils down to a matter of where I am in my life. Two degrees, two jobs, I’ve saved, invested, built a decent stock portfolio. I bought a brand new car in 2017 (and very shortly felt a different sort of pain that I had not entirely signed up for). I thought to myself that I had most of my life figured out, that what was left would be sorted out by going through the motions.
I remember seeing a tweet by a famous philosopher named Drake some time ago that went something like “anything can be overcome with three sleeps.” Sorry Drake, I’ve had almost 365 sleeps and I still haven’t figured it out.
This is not a list denoting what I’ve done or haven’t done as much as it is a letter to myself admitting that I have some work left to do. And while one of my greatest traits (according to others, not me) has been the ability to be vulnerable, I’ve found myself sharing less and less over the course of this year. I’ve nearly completely shuddered myself from social media. Platforms through which I had routinely shared my writing and my thoughts on current world events went dark, and I allowed no remorse to seep through as I continued to live “in the real world.”
I told myself that I was gathering experiences and in turn gathering myself. I wrote less, but always thought about writing more. I devoted time into a business I registered with friends that we eventually dissolved even before we launched the product, because we soon realized that the idea had too many holes and was too time sensitive.
I finally landed a part time gig in my profession, finally I had put a foot through the door. But even then it wasn’t, and still isn’t, ideal. So I kept applying and finally, three years after graduating I had landed an interview at my desired organization. That dream, too, quickly ended. I broke down at the realization that 5 years of university and 3 years of chasing this opportunity had culminated to a flat out rejection.
Fast forward a few months: I’m still here, still kicking it. I’ve surrounded myself with the most brilliant and the most terrific group of people anyone could ever be blessed with. Still, sometimes it doesn’t feel like enough.
Is it still inherently wrong to not be wholly satisfied with what one has if the constant belief that “there is always room for improvement” exists? I don’t think I’m unhappy so much as I think that there is still an abundance of potential that I still haven’t found myself living up to. And I don’t think I’m the only one who actually feels this way.
I have always expected to stumble, prepared for the bruises and discomfort required to grow into different and elevated forms of myself (imagine your favourite Akira Toriyama character screaming in unjust anger and pain for something like 18 episodes just to reach a more powerful form to fight off a strange and powerful space lizard). Through this half-thought out example (and a sprinkle of nostalgic humour), we can see that becoming a better version of ourselves can often mean toiling through tremendous hardships. That we must also keep finding ways to become increasingly better in order to overcome any and all other challenges that life brings our way.
But the thing is, despite all of this, despite all the pressures and uncertainties that we find ourselves in, life goes on. The world keeps on turning. And tomorrow is a new day. And in a few more sleeps, it will be a new year. And our stories, hopefully, will continue in new ways. Some of it will be exciting, some of it will be challenging, some of it will test and perhaps even break us. But none of it will be fore naught.
Now into the tail end of my twenties, it took me a whole year to come to this one realization. That I had been running for so long that I forgot how to walk. And that to walk, sometimes we need to learn how to crawl.
(TL;DR: We’re all Goku, and life is Frieza because it keeps coming back to get us no matter what).
business majors will do coke off your ass on saturday night and then pretend they don’t know you in your econ lecture on monday morning
fuck with a psych major then
psych majors will do lsd with you and tell you that they’ve never felt as connected to anyone as they do to you in that moment and then as soon as their trip ends they will spend the rest of your relationship disappointed because they know they’ll never feel as strongly about you sober as they did while on acid and when you take notice of that and comment that they seem to be growing distant they will psychoanalyze you and claim that you just think that because you have abandonment issues stemming from early childhood trauma
fuck with an art major then
art majors will nut on your back and hand you their paint rag to wipe it off with and then when you don’t return their calls the next day they’ll make a painting entitled Succubus. 2015 (oil and tears on canvas, 36" x 48")
Fuck with a film major
film majors will invite you over to “watch a movie and chill” and you’ll assume he means watch the first five minutes of something on netflix before getting distracted and banging but no. he has a french new wave film set up for the two of you to actually watch and you don’t understand french but he refuses to put on subtitles because he feels it undermines the artistic integrity of the work. when the movie is over he’ll undress you but not to have sex, just to “admire” your body. also he inexplicably smells like cigarettes even though he doesn’t smoke
fuck with an english major
(via madyfay)
Anonymous asked: I've been having such a hard time trying to figure out which way to go in life ... lately I think I have less and less in common with others. Most days I just lay in bed and scroll through my phone wishing that I had someone to talk to, but I also seem to have nothing in my life that I could talk about
I don’t think anyone can ever know for certain where their life is going or where exactly they’re headed. It’s crazy that a single moment can change our entire trajectory. It took me so long to be okay with not knowing what comes next or what to do. Some days I still struggle, thinking to myself that I have no idea what my next steps are. But you have to trust yourself and trust the process. Our lives won’t ever shape up to be exactly how we imagine it to be in our heads. It’s not that it’s not possible, it is, but there are external factors that impact our goals and dreams. Factors out of our individual control, like Trump. Except Trump is very much a product of the current mindset of millions of people and he is only a spokesperson for that shit, but at the same time, tens of thousands of people reportedly voted for a dead gorilla. But now futures are at stake. Literally you could dream to be whatever you want but there’s probably a policy in place that will impact the likelihood of you actually doing that. Like immigration, or world trade, or global warming. But of course global warming doesn’t exist, so they say. You might even wake up with 50 points less on your IQ because we’re basically living in a modern version of Orwell’s 1984. But all that aside, who the fuck cares man. Live your life. Get high, do some dumb shit, learn to get your shit together eventually, get yourself a decent paying gig and just remember to live. Because there’s a lot more dumb shit happening than to lie in bed and wonder what comes next. Next is now. Next is happening. Adam Levine is probably singing into a payphone or some shit. I don’t know. You have more going for you than you think. Give yourself credit and stop moping around. Go outside and live your goddamn life.
And in all seriousness, automation will almost completely take over all industries by 2030, so if you want to stay ahead of the game, get yourself into coding. Because trust me when I say that most people will be scratching their heads in the next decade wishing they were more proactive.
None of this probably helps, but let it simmer and think about it. There’s a lot of shit happening in the world right now. You’re lying in bed scrolling on your phone. You have the luxury of time to be lying down. In a bed. On a phone. You’re blessed.
No go live.
Watching my parents’ kitten pause a cat video (playing on YouTube) on their iPad to go use his litter is perhaps one of the most impressive things I have ever witnessed in my life.
On another note, I really can’t stand living in the GTA much anymore. There’s a long list of reasons as to why but I’d bore myself if I went into detail. Gotta kanye shrug away a couple more years 🤷🏽♂️